Well, here we are, already racing through December and soon to be into 2011. I have been doing some reflection on 2010 and looking at how that helps springboard into 2011. I have had some successes this year and I need to make sure that I keep doing that sort of stuff. I asked myself the following question:
- What went well in 2010?
My response included a good number of items, some related to my work, others regarding my study, and then my family. I intend to continue most, if not all, of these activities. I then asked myself a second question:
- If you had a magic wand what would 2011 look like for you?
This was a key question as it came up with some new ideas around issues such as time management, personal health and fitness, and study. The third question was:
- What do I have to change to make this vision a reality?
A much more concise list resulted. Some of the outcomes were unexpected. I was pleased to note that there was nothing difficult on the list (of five items). The last question was:
- So what do you need to do in the next 30 days to make this all start to happen?
Out of this came three actions, two I completed today and one I intend to spend some quality time on during the week leading up till Christmas. What a simple little process to get me moving now to start achieving my 2011 vision. I commend it to you.
Chris
Monday, December 6, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
Brief Therapy
I am currently studying a subject called Brief Therapy. The need for being brief when treating someone has always been there, in the early years of psychology because there were so few psychologists and so many people with psychological issues. Today the pressure comes from the medical insurers who want to restrict the number of visits with psychologists for cost reasons.
The Brief Therapy model does not care what caused your problem, it focuses on what needs to be done in the future to resolve the problem. The underlying philosophy is that you need to visualize how your life would be if a "miracle" happened overnight and the problem went away (equivalent to the Mindshop magic wand tool). Then you think about the exceptions, the times you have experienced when the problem was not there. You work out what is working for you (and do more of it), and you work out what is not working for you (and try something different).
The logic of all this is that our natural tendency is to try harder when things are not working for us rather than trying something new. I am using the Brief Therapy model with my business clients with good success. Much of the methodology is very similar to the Mindshop approach to business and personal improvement, so it is no surprise that I am using it. The difference is that Brief Therapy is supported by scientific research so its confirmation of the Mindshop approach is comforting.
So in summary the Brief Therapy steps are:
The Brief Therapy model does not care what caused your problem, it focuses on what needs to be done in the future to resolve the problem. The underlying philosophy is that you need to visualize how your life would be if a "miracle" happened overnight and the problem went away (equivalent to the Mindshop magic wand tool). Then you think about the exceptions, the times you have experienced when the problem was not there. You work out what is working for you (and do more of it), and you work out what is not working for you (and try something different).
The logic of all this is that our natural tendency is to try harder when things are not working for us rather than trying something new. I am using the Brief Therapy model with my business clients with good success. Much of the methodology is very similar to the Mindshop approach to business and personal improvement, so it is no surprise that I am using it. The difference is that Brief Therapy is supported by scientific research so its confirmation of the Mindshop approach is comforting.
So in summary the Brief Therapy steps are:
- Set the vision assuming your problem is resolved
- Think about times when the problem was not there
- Make a list of what is working and do more of it
- Makes a list of what is not working and do something different
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Experiencing New Things
I turn 61 in a matter of days. My father died at 60 so passing his age at which he passed is a moment of both significance and reflection for me. During this personal reflection I came to realize that the rate at which I am experiencing new things is on the increase, and I wondered why? I also contemplated whether this was a good thing, and I quickly decided that it was (a good thing). I questioned the cost and the benefit. I examined who received the benefit from this contemplation. I then committed to further increase my level of new experiences. Let me explain why.
Over the last couple of weeks I watched an American college football game, took six days to drive from San Francisco to Los Angeles, and was present when California experienced its hottest day on record (113F). These new things were external to me, so my immersion in them merely added to my already comprehensive travel experiences. Even though good experiences, they just added to a long existing list of good experiences.
Some of my new experiences during this period were internal experiences. I studied "positive" psychology, the concepts espoused by psychologists such as Seligman and Csikszentmihalyi created new experiences and new thoughts. The concept of "flow" was of particular significance. The flow model proposes that to be happy you need to be "in the flow", and to achieve that state you need to balance your level of skills and your level of challenges. More challenges than skills means anxiety, more skills than challenges means boredom.
Another new experience was my decision to think more about other people than to think about myself. Genuinely wanting to understand the point of view of another person and dropping the need to be heard or understood yourself is new territory for me. I am yet to achieve consistency in this process, but remain optimistic that I can make it my normal mode of operation in time.
These and other new experiences are moulding me to become a more effective person. I like the feelings and the outcomes that these activities have created, and I want more of it. The more I practice listening and caring, the better I seem to get at it. Improved listening leads to better understanding, which then leads to a good relationship.
So what are the lessons here? I think that there are three take-home points.
Over the last couple of weeks I watched an American college football game, took six days to drive from San Francisco to Los Angeles, and was present when California experienced its hottest day on record (113F). These new things were external to me, so my immersion in them merely added to my already comprehensive travel experiences. Even though good experiences, they just added to a long existing list of good experiences.
Some of my new experiences during this period were internal experiences. I studied "positive" psychology, the concepts espoused by psychologists such as Seligman and Csikszentmihalyi created new experiences and new thoughts. The concept of "flow" was of particular significance. The flow model proposes that to be happy you need to be "in the flow", and to achieve that state you need to balance your level of skills and your level of challenges. More challenges than skills means anxiety, more skills than challenges means boredom.
Another new experience was my decision to think more about other people than to think about myself. Genuinely wanting to understand the point of view of another person and dropping the need to be heard or understood yourself is new territory for me. I am yet to achieve consistency in this process, but remain optimistic that I can make it my normal mode of operation in time.
These and other new experiences are moulding me to become a more effective person. I like the feelings and the outcomes that these activities have created, and I want more of it. The more I practice listening and caring, the better I seem to get at it. Improved listening leads to better understanding, which then leads to a good relationship.
So what are the lessons here? I think that there are three take-home points.
- Balance your skills and challenges to achieve being in the flow
- learn new skills and embrace new challenges (rather than broadening the current ones)
- Focus on understanding anyone you interact with rather than defending your own ego
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Gratitude
Do you have issues showing your gratitude to others? I know I do. I'm not sure if it is laziness or some deeper reason that limits me. I just took the time to make a list of all the things that I am grateful to my wife (of 38 years) for and then shared it with her. I really enjoyed the process. I spent a couple of weeks researching gratification. My favorite author on the subject is Seligman (2002). Once my head was around the topic I started making a list of all the things that I was grateful to my wife for. It ended up edited down to 13 items.
What I learned from this event was that I should do this a lot more. Formally I should make a list for each of my immediate family members, informally I should send more emails to people thanking them. I know I think about other people all the time regarding how helpful they have been to me, but I haven't been sharing these thoughts with them.
Who do you regard as the most important people in your life? When is the last time you shared your gratitude for them? What is stopping you doing that with at least one person today? Don't tell me that you are too busy, that just means it is not a high priority. We all have time for the things we really want to do each day.
I am in Atlanta Georgia this week, and I am grateful for all the people I will be spending time with. I am grateful for the glorious weather, the beauty of the city, and that my wife is with me. I need to show that gratification rather than just think about it.
Gratefulness is an element of what is known as positive psychology. I am currently studying positive psychology in my PhD, and I am also grateful for that opportunity. We are all so fortunate living in these times. We are surrounded by opportunities, and if we grasp them we will be drawn to even more opportunities. We should feel grateful for this and honor the opportunities by taking advantage of them. What are you grateful for today, and what could (or should) you be grateful for by the end of 2010?
What I learned from this event was that I should do this a lot more. Formally I should make a list for each of my immediate family members, informally I should send more emails to people thanking them. I know I think about other people all the time regarding how helpful they have been to me, but I haven't been sharing these thoughts with them.
Who do you regard as the most important people in your life? When is the last time you shared your gratitude for them? What is stopping you doing that with at least one person today? Don't tell me that you are too busy, that just means it is not a high priority. We all have time for the things we really want to do each day.
I am in Atlanta Georgia this week, and I am grateful for all the people I will be spending time with. I am grateful for the glorious weather, the beauty of the city, and that my wife is with me. I need to show that gratification rather than just think about it.
Gratefulness is an element of what is known as positive psychology. I am currently studying positive psychology in my PhD, and I am also grateful for that opportunity. We are all so fortunate living in these times. We are surrounded by opportunities, and if we grasp them we will be drawn to even more opportunities. We should feel grateful for this and honor the opportunities by taking advantage of them. What are you grateful for today, and what could (or should) you be grateful for by the end of 2010?
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Leveraging Technology
We are all increasingly time poor. Thankfully technology can make us more efficient in how we use our time but is that the answer? I use a combination of devices including a mobile phone, an iPad and a Windows 7 netbook, as a platform for working. My favourite "programs" include Skype, WebEx, Outlook, and Google. I know there are probably more and better programs to help me with my efficiency, but efficiency also has an element of competency, and the longer I stick with these programs, the more competent I become in using them.
I use Skype for most of my calls, Skype to Skype using video is my preferred mode. I use WebEx if I want to share a presentation, and I use Outlook for email, tasks, contacts, and my diary. Google I use to research people and topics. The niceties of life include wireless coverage for all my devices and the ability to send files wirelessly to the printer on the odd occasion I need a hard copy of something.
My emerging program is the use of e-books, I use the iPad and its inbuilt reader, but I have also loaded a Kindle application so I can buy e-books from Amazon. Allegedly my university is moving to e-books shortly which will be great. I like e-books for features like the inbuilt dictionary, searching, and remembering where I am up to.
So my efficiency has been significantly enhanced by technology, but my current focus is more on effectiveness. To be effective you must know with absolute clarity what you want to do (and by default what you don't want to do). Your day to day choices lead to enhanced efficiency and effectiveness. My number one priority is my family, number two is my clients, and number three is my study. Like a Venn diagram these circles of influence overlap so I can be even more efficient and effective. To be in the zone I need to choose activities where I impact on all three areas concurrently. Being in a family business helps, as does studying something directly related to my clients needs.
As my efficiency and effectiveness improves further I need to be clear where I invest my energy in the future. I have chosen to remain focused on family, clients and study rather than taking on something new. When the formal study finishes in a couple of years time that will free up around 30 hours a week. I intend to take half of that time and invest it in family and clients, the other 15 hours will go into research and publishing (that helps my clients succeed). That way I keep my Venn diagram balanced and my efficiency and effectiveness get a significant step change upwards. What are your plans for efficiency and effectiveness? I'd love to hear them.
I use Skype for most of my calls, Skype to Skype using video is my preferred mode. I use WebEx if I want to share a presentation, and I use Outlook for email, tasks, contacts, and my diary. Google I use to research people and topics. The niceties of life include wireless coverage for all my devices and the ability to send files wirelessly to the printer on the odd occasion I need a hard copy of something.
My emerging program is the use of e-books, I use the iPad and its inbuilt reader, but I have also loaded a Kindle application so I can buy e-books from Amazon. Allegedly my university is moving to e-books shortly which will be great. I like e-books for features like the inbuilt dictionary, searching, and remembering where I am up to.
So my efficiency has been significantly enhanced by technology, but my current focus is more on effectiveness. To be effective you must know with absolute clarity what you want to do (and by default what you don't want to do). Your day to day choices lead to enhanced efficiency and effectiveness. My number one priority is my family, number two is my clients, and number three is my study. Like a Venn diagram these circles of influence overlap so I can be even more efficient and effective. To be in the zone I need to choose activities where I impact on all three areas concurrently. Being in a family business helps, as does studying something directly related to my clients needs.
As my efficiency and effectiveness improves further I need to be clear where I invest my energy in the future. I have chosen to remain focused on family, clients and study rather than taking on something new. When the formal study finishes in a couple of years time that will free up around 30 hours a week. I intend to take half of that time and invest it in family and clients, the other 15 hours will go into research and publishing (that helps my clients succeed). That way I keep my Venn diagram balanced and my efficiency and effectiveness get a significant step change upwards. What are your plans for efficiency and effectiveness? I'd love to hear them.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Play to Your Strengths
I've recently needed as part of my PhD studies to assess my "signature strengths" and to work out how best to leverage them. I used two different tests, one from the book "Now Discover Your Strengths" by Buckingham & Clifton, and the other from the book "Authentic Happiness" by Seligman.
There was good consistency in these assessments. The Seligman model proposes six themes, my top three were designated as (1) Wisdom & Knowledge, (2) Transcendence, and (3) Justice. Of these, transcendence needs some explanation. There are seven strengths in the transcendence theme, appreciation of beauty, gratitude, hope, spirituality, forgiveness, humor, and zest.
Have you ever thought about your strengths and how to best leverage them? It is the leverage of the strengths that is the key. Many organisations have a culture of focusing on the negatives regarding their people whereas my view is that we need to play to our strengths. When I hire anyone I want them to be strong in my areas of weakness. My attention to detail is poor and my knowledge of financial matters average. According to Seligman my lowest strength (biggest weakness) is humility, no surprises there.
My argument re my humility issue is that an early career where I was always considered too young for my roles encouraged me to develop a strong ego to withstand the personal attacks and criticisms that I received. My ego was my protector and so now, in my 60's, I find it hard to turn it off. Whilst I would prefer to be more humble it is only a minor inconvenience in my life. My top ranked strength was hope, defined as "you expect the best in the future, and you plan and work in order to achieve it" (Seligman, 2002, p.155). Coupled with my second strength perspective and the third strength curiosity, I am a strategic thinker.
I strongly encourage all the readers to find a credible strengths test, apply it to themselves, and then ponder on how to best leverage the signature strengths. Your strengths are more important than your weaknesses, make sure that you use them wisely and well.
There was good consistency in these assessments. The Seligman model proposes six themes, my top three were designated as (1) Wisdom & Knowledge, (2) Transcendence, and (3) Justice. Of these, transcendence needs some explanation. There are seven strengths in the transcendence theme, appreciation of beauty, gratitude, hope, spirituality, forgiveness, humor, and zest.
Have you ever thought about your strengths and how to best leverage them? It is the leverage of the strengths that is the key. Many organisations have a culture of focusing on the negatives regarding their people whereas my view is that we need to play to our strengths. When I hire anyone I want them to be strong in my areas of weakness. My attention to detail is poor and my knowledge of financial matters average. According to Seligman my lowest strength (biggest weakness) is humility, no surprises there.
My argument re my humility issue is that an early career where I was always considered too young for my roles encouraged me to develop a strong ego to withstand the personal attacks and criticisms that I received. My ego was my protector and so now, in my 60's, I find it hard to turn it off. Whilst I would prefer to be more humble it is only a minor inconvenience in my life. My top ranked strength was hope, defined as "you expect the best in the future, and you plan and work in order to achieve it" (Seligman, 2002, p.155). Coupled with my second strength perspective and the third strength curiosity, I am a strategic thinker.
I strongly encourage all the readers to find a credible strengths test, apply it to themselves, and then ponder on how to best leverage the signature strengths. Your strengths are more important than your weaknesses, make sure that you use them wisely and well.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
The Key to Success
Working hard, knowing more than most, and even cultivating the right relationships, are often regarded as the keys to success. I have a different view. If I reflect on the things that have gone wrong in my life, the key factor in each incident is of my own doing. I have sabotaged myself from time to time, thankfully less often in recent decades.
I have spent the last week working with three schools in the Ballarat region along with Mindshoppers, Andrew Downard, Shane Bicknell, Julie Mason and Emily Mason. I did sneak back to Melbourne during the middle of the week, but in effect I donated four days of my time to help 18 Year 10 students. In Mindshop we designate this sort of giving as "Value To Others" (VTO). Mindshop has five core values and VTO is the key one.
I find that the more that I give, the higher my self-worth, and the higher my self-worth, the less I sabotage myself, and the less I sabotage myself, the more success I seem to attract. I believe the success opportunities are all around me, so as soon as I feel worthy of receiving them I stop doing silly things that stop them coming (or even send them away).
If I am right, the key to your success is to build your bank balance of giving to others in order to maximise your bank balance of self-worth. My great marriage, terrific kids, and a great business, is due (in part) to me feeling worthy. Thankfully most of the people I live and work with also believe in VTO, and the system works for them. Collectively we deserve everything that happens to us.
This coming week my wife Julie and eight other Mindshop people are working with 8 school groups, this time in Bendigo. This generosity will trigger each person's success. It takes a while for the VTO balance to accumulate so they shouldn't expect the rewards to come in the following week, or even months. It may take years to generate sufficient self-worth. I have been giving for many years so I am reaping the benefit daily.
If you are not getting the rewards you desire, give some thought to the reasons. Is your self-sabotaging behaviour a factor? Do you practice VTO?
I have spent the last week working with three schools in the Ballarat region along with Mindshoppers, Andrew Downard, Shane Bicknell, Julie Mason and Emily Mason. I did sneak back to Melbourne during the middle of the week, but in effect I donated four days of my time to help 18 Year 10 students. In Mindshop we designate this sort of giving as "Value To Others" (VTO). Mindshop has five core values and VTO is the key one.
I find that the more that I give, the higher my self-worth, and the higher my self-worth, the less I sabotage myself, and the less I sabotage myself, the more success I seem to attract. I believe the success opportunities are all around me, so as soon as I feel worthy of receiving them I stop doing silly things that stop them coming (or even send them away).
If I am right, the key to your success is to build your bank balance of giving to others in order to maximise your bank balance of self-worth. My great marriage, terrific kids, and a great business, is due (in part) to me feeling worthy. Thankfully most of the people I live and work with also believe in VTO, and the system works for them. Collectively we deserve everything that happens to us.
This coming week my wife Julie and eight other Mindshop people are working with 8 school groups, this time in Bendigo. This generosity will trigger each person's success. It takes a while for the VTO balance to accumulate so they shouldn't expect the rewards to come in the following week, or even months. It may take years to generate sufficient self-worth. I have been giving for many years so I am reaping the benefit daily.
If you are not getting the rewards you desire, give some thought to the reasons. Is your self-sabotaging behaviour a factor? Do you practice VTO?
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Why is it so hard?
We have all weathered the Global Financial Crisis (GFC) without too much damage so why isn't it getting any easier? I was taught as a child that things worth having don't come easy but that doesn't explain it. In my psychology studies I have learned that we need to keep experiencing the same or similar difficulties so that we (eventually) learn but that doesn't help me either. I have come to the realization that it has to be hard to be of value. What do you find hard? Is it running marathons, selling yourself, or perhaps it's paying your bills on time.
My list of things that I find hard include driving around the Sandown race track in less than 1 minute 27 seconds, writing succinctly, and knowing how to get the absolute best out of people. The difference between your list and mine is that I want to do something about my list. Of the 100 odd things that I find hard I have divided them into three groups, things I must do, things I should do, and things I could do. I then toss out the last two groups, life is too short to be perfect so I am only going to focus on things I must do.
That doesn't mean that I'm only going to do the must do things in my life. That doesn't make sense to me. My life is about providing value to others as well as doing what I want. I am happy to invest 75% of my energy doing what other people want me to do but I need to make sure there is some "me" time in the remaining 25%.
My must do list includes studying for my PhD, improving my skills on the race track, and improving my skills and knowledge in communication (just to name three). What would be on your list? How much time do you make each week to work on your things? Do me (and yourself) a favor and make a list of three must do things. Now ask yourself, "what is stopping me working on these three things this week?" Can I suggest that the answer is "probably nothing!"
Launching this blog was one of my actions this week. It took me all of 30 minutes to set it up and type in what I have done so far. I commit to write something here weekly from now on, how much value will reside here will be for you to determine. I think I have some good ideas to share. Just writing them down makes them easier to understand.
Here is my plan, to comment on what I am learning in my PhD, to share any useful experiences from my week, and to encourage others to comment on anything in the blog. I aim to get good at this so be patient with me. Making a start is half the battle and I have done that.
Chris
My list of things that I find hard include driving around the Sandown race track in less than 1 minute 27 seconds, writing succinctly, and knowing how to get the absolute best out of people. The difference between your list and mine is that I want to do something about my list. Of the 100 odd things that I find hard I have divided them into three groups, things I must do, things I should do, and things I could do. I then toss out the last two groups, life is too short to be perfect so I am only going to focus on things I must do.
That doesn't mean that I'm only going to do the must do things in my life. That doesn't make sense to me. My life is about providing value to others as well as doing what I want. I am happy to invest 75% of my energy doing what other people want me to do but I need to make sure there is some "me" time in the remaining 25%.
My must do list includes studying for my PhD, improving my skills on the race track, and improving my skills and knowledge in communication (just to name three). What would be on your list? How much time do you make each week to work on your things? Do me (and yourself) a favor and make a list of three must do things. Now ask yourself, "what is stopping me working on these three things this week?" Can I suggest that the answer is "probably nothing!"
Launching this blog was one of my actions this week. It took me all of 30 minutes to set it up and type in what I have done so far. I commit to write something here weekly from now on, how much value will reside here will be for you to determine. I think I have some good ideas to share. Just writing them down makes them easier to understand.
Here is my plan, to comment on what I am learning in my PhD, to share any useful experiences from my week, and to encourage others to comment on anything in the blog. I aim to get good at this so be patient with me. Making a start is half the battle and I have done that.
Chris
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)